This chilling tale comes to us from Brian Boylstone of Currey. We’ve edited some of the misspellings and changed some poorly-considered word choices, so this isn’t technically a ‘quote’ but rather a paraphrase of the original manuscript:
“As a staunch churchgoer and member of the conservative party, I’m not one to be out late at night. Likewise, I do not drink or smoke cannabis or ingest marijuana edibles. I have read that marijuana edibles can really mess with a person’s head since many people underestimate the potency of edibles made from marijuana and consume more of the edible or drink than they should. I saw several news reports after Colorado legalized both medical and recreational marijuana where people have ended up in the hospital after eating too many cannabis laced edibles. I am simply not that type of person. Anyway…Still and all, I do enjoy a brisk walk in the bracing Autumn evenings from time to time throughout the year.
“And it is with such an intent that I left my domicile and dove into the woody thicket. ‘Ware bracken!’ I told myself, but it was all for nought — I’d disturbed the tender fiddleheads in a trice.
“So much for steamed fiddleheads this season. Ah, me. I took a cursory swipe to my trouser cuffs and proceeded to plunge into the deeper coomb. I found my thoughts drawn oddly to an online casino, USA or thereabouts, with which I once had a sinning fling.
“When all at once, from the direction of deep heaven, I fancied to hear an ulcerating ullulation — a sort of warbling whine that set all my backlocks a-quiver. I peered into the inky depths of the midnight sky, but could see naught but the mocking gleams of pinprick stars. It crossed my mind that it was a very clear night, as only the coldest of nights can be. Yet it was not exceptionally cold, on the whole.
“How could this be? Clambering with my gangly limbs atop a convenient precipice, I gazed hard as if to penetrate the depth of night by force of will alone. The stars turned to each other and whispered for all the world like a pack of online slots, coldly amused by my impertinence. Still there was nothing out of the ordinary up above me.
“Cursing myself for an addlepated rambler, I made up my mind to continue my arboreal traverses. Yet not without a certain unease, though buried ‘neath layers of hidebound pragmatism and well-worn wool.
“The remainder of my evening’s adventure proved less than remarkable. I surprised two youths of the local sort from some sort of rendez-vous, and they had words for me that i would not deign to repeat.”
Eventually there was a UFO in the sky above my head. I tried to run but could not move. I found myself being lifted into an spaceship & I remember being very scared. I wanted to fight but there was nothing I could do. When I was inside of the craft, I suddenly felt a pinch at the back of my neck. The rest is very hazy. I only remember shadows & colors nothing is clear. I woke up in my bed thinking it was all a dream & maybe it was just that…