This chilling tale comes to us from Brian Boylstone of Currey. We’ve edited some of the misspellings and changed some poorly-considered word choices, so this isn’t technically a ‘quote’ but rather a paraphrase of the original manuscript:
“As a staunch churchgoer and member of the conservative party, I’m not one to be out late at night. Likewise, I do not drink or smoke cannabis or ingest marijuana edibles. I have read that marijuana edibles can really mess with a person’s head since many people underestimate the potency of edibles made from marijuana and consume more of the edible or drink than they should. I saw several news reports after Colorado legalized both medical and recreational marijuana where people have ended up in the hospital after eating too many cannabis laced edibles. I am simply not that type of person. Anyway…
“I found a job working for a small contractor sewing custom curtains sold on the internet. The hum of the sewing machines often drowns out the natural sounds emanating from the adjacent woods and fields, but on occasion they can lull one into drowsiness and I have to pay attention to make sure the curtains and drapes I’m working on don’t suffer from sloppy work. But on occasion, I can hear sounds within the hum that seem to be coming from somewhere else – the sounds may appear to be voices, or music, or some indistinguishable clamor. I often stop and ask my fellow workers to stop just so that I can listen more closely, although the sounds seldom reveal themselves. Still and all, I do enjoy a brisk walk in the bracing Autumn evenings from time to time throughout the year.
“And it is with such an intent that I left my domicile and dove into the woody thicket. ‘Ware bracken!’ I told myself, but it was all for nought — I’d disturbed the tender fiddleheads in a trice.
“So much for steamed fiddleheads this season. Ah, me. I took a cursory swipe to my trouser cuffs and proceeded to plunge into the deeper coomb. I found my thoughts drawn oddly to an online casino, USA or thereabouts, with which I once had a sinning fling.
“When all at once, from the direction of deep heaven, I fancied to hear an ulcerating ullulation — a sort of warbling whine that set all my backlocks a-quiver. I peered into the inky depths of the midnight sky, but could see naught but the mocking gleams of pinprick stars. It crossed my mind that it was a very clear night, as only the coldest of nights can be. Yet it was not exceptionally cold, on the whole.
“How could this be? Clambering with my gangly limbs atop a convenient precipice, I gazed hard as if to penetrate the depth of night by force of will alone. The stars turned to each other and whispered for all the world like a pack of online slots, coldly amused by my impertinence. Still there was nothing out of the ordinary up above me.
“Cursing myself for an addlepated rambler, I made up my mind to continue my arboreal traverses. Yet not without a certain unease, though buried ‘neath layers of hidebound pragmatism and well-worn wool.
“The remainder of my evening’s adventure proved less than remarkable. I surprised two youths of the local sort from some sort of rendez-vous, and they had words for me that i would not deign to repeat.”
Eventually there was a UFO in the sky above my head. I tried to run but could not move. I found myself being lifted into an spaceship & I remember being very scared. I wanted to fight but there was nothing I could do. When I was inside of the craft, I suddenly felt a pinch at the back of my neck. The rest is very hazy. I only remember shadows & colors nothing is clear. I woke up in my bed thinking it was all a dream & maybe it was just that…